When Is It OK To Back Away?
by LaVona Tomberlin
“Sometimes the best move forward is stepping back.”
Do you need to Back Away?
From the time that we are small children we are taught that thinking of ourselves first is selfish. We are always supposed to think of others first or do we need to back away. We are always supposed to make others happy and safe and well. If all that is true, we should be happy.
Give Until It Hurts
As a small child if another child wanted our toy, we were told to give it to them without complaint. I know that as I grew, I learned not to be competitive; even to the point that if I was dating a boy and one of my friends liked him, I walked away. Sometimes that was painful but I felt that I was doing the right thing. It was my job to make others happy and that should make me happy and satisfied.
Caretaker
As an adult I have taken care of my mother for 7 years after the death of my father when she was ill and sad. During that time I lost my best friend and my father but it was my job to take care of my mother because she needed me. I did that until I became ill and someone said to me, actually it was my doctor, that if I did not take care of myself, I would be of no use to anyone. I took that advice and moved away to take care of me.
Changing The Scene
When I moved, I thrived. I found out what it felt like to be truly happy. Wouldn’t you know it, I found that I truly enjoyed helping people and did that when I wanted to but while I was doing what I loved to do. After moving I discovered that when I helped people, and did it with an open heart, I felt truly blessed.
Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of ourselves is not selfish. It is preparing us to be the best we can be so that we can offer our best selves to the people that we love and want to help. Sometimes that means actually doing the work. Sometimes that means stepping back and finding the right person to do the work who can do it best. This is not abandoning the person but protecting them. Sometimes backing away is simply allowing us to be what we are to them; their friend, their spouse, their child and allowing a professional to do the hard work of caring for them. They are trained to do this job. We are there to love them.
Here are 8 ways to gain perspective
- Reflection: Helps you understand yourself and make informed decisions about difficult situations by examining your experiences and reflecting on what you’ve learned.
- Gratitude: Can help you shift your perspective by keeping a gratitude journal or finding a gratitude partner.
- Empathy: Understand the thoughts, emotions, and circumstances of others.
- Change Your Space: Can inspire a new perspective on life and expose you to new opportunities.
- Welcome Change: Helps you gain perspective and become more compassionate and supportive of others going through change.
- Think Differently: Helps you get into a creative mindset by looking at things from different angles and exploring new ways of thinking.
- Get a Different or Positive Perspective: Helps you improve your confidence and self-belief, and can lead to a more fulfilling life.
- Follow your Heart: Gain perspective by reimagining your role in the world and adding to your sense of wonder.
